Dear Ballet forum, I am twenty two and when I was in high school my sister told me that I was never going to be a ballerina professionally and that dancing was never going to be my thing in life ever and laughed in my face mainly because I had started ballet at the age of fifteen. It stung and really hurt my feelings. Today I still hold a grudge against her. My mom says that it is time to forgive her but I am not ready to. I still love dance now and am mainly doing it for myself. Yet I am still angry about my sister and what she said about my dancing. So, what should I do, forgive her and let it go, or should I go on being mad at her for what she did back in high school. Also, another thing, non dance related, I am planning on trying out for the reality show The Bachelor and my sister, the same one with the dancing insults, said that I was never going to make it and would never get on the show The Bachelor, also. This brought back the old grudge, making the highschool wound with the dance thing bigger, and I am afraid that we will never make up. What should I do?
First thing you need to realize is that the majority of the time, when you tell someone that you are going to do something, like start a business, apply to go on a television show, start dancing or whatever, there will be no shortage of people to tell you every single reason why you will be a big failure. Tell someone that you want to become the prima ballerina and they will tell you about the difficulties and hardships that you will face, about the competition in the world of ballet and the dirty little backstabbers that inhabit the local ballet company. By the time you've talked to five or six people about your dreams, you will be beat down so far you'll begin to wonder why you even bother to live.
Yes, you should forgive your sister and love her because she is your sister. But, that doesn't mean that you have to listen to her. And one of the best pieces of revenge that you can get is to go a lot farther with your dancing that anyone thought you could, which by the sounds of what your sister said, isn't going to be too far. Obviously, getting on the Bachelor could prove a little more difficult because, when all is said and done, the final vote for you getting on the show is not up to you. But, trying out for it and giving it your all will be what sets you apart from the average person, who just wants to think of all the reasons dreams don't come true.
It's sad that we don't get the support that we should from the people that we should be getting it from the most. In an ideal world, your sister should be your biggest cheerleader. In the real world, that very rarely is the case.
So, where do you find the support and encouragement that you need? You find it from the people that participate in the very same activities you do. As for your ballet, it would come from the friends that you have in your group. A lot of them will know exactly what you are going through because they have felt it too. You can get that support from places like this, where a community of dancers comes together.
The most important thing is to decide what your goals are and then become very single minded in your quest for them and to hell with those around you that are trying to tear you down. Just remember that there are others, like me and others in these discussions groups, that are pulling for you and saying, "you go girl!"
I am so sorry that you're sister is not supporting you the way she should be. It sounds to me like there might also be some underlying jealousy issues. With that said, I would sit down with her (hard I know)and have a real heart to heart. Ask her why it is that she is constantly putting you down etc. If you solve nothing with this conversation, at least you can say that you were the more mature of the two and that you gave it a heartfelt try. So....I second, "you go girl" and the very best of luck in everything you decide to do.
I have been through this big time-I agree with Dave-keep your goals and ambitions to yourself. Not only will everyone doubt you, they will go out of their way to stop you.
I am older then you, and still very active in dance and gymnastics, and my sisters are among many others who I could care less if I never see again another day in my life-and dancing is the source. But my situation has been a very extreme and unusual incident. This last Christmas, I stayed away from them-did not want to see them. This situation is not likely to change from here on out.
I am completely non-forgiving, and there is no compromise when it comes to tampering with my dancing-or other physical activity. I do not know how far anyone has went in your situation, but the forgiveness is your decision.
Totally understand your situation. My parents don't even think that dance is a form of art. This makes me absolutely pissed off, and when I speak about it I get very emotional. I say, there's no point in wasting your breath on people that will bring you down. To hell with them. When you'll be a really good dancer, they'll be jealous and you'll be able to laugh in their faces. And yea, I believe that to be forgiven, you need to be sorry. So if your sister is not absolutely sorry, there's no need to forgive her (unless you totally got over it).
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I started taking ballet at a very young age and got a chance to dance with the New York City Center Ballet Company at age 13 for a week's engagement for the holiday season in my own town. Only my mother attended all of my performances. At age 16, I was offered a chance to attend the American Ballet Theater School, but my mother didn't and wouldn't sign the necessary paper work because the dance profession would not going to present a steady income for a living. My whole world collapsed. Although I didn't make dance a career, I didn't let anyone stop me or talk me out of dancing. I've danced in several amateur dance competition and placed in the top 10 or won one or several first place position without family attending. I wish So You Think You Can Dance had been around so that I could have auditioned for the show. However, I now leave it to the younger dancer to complete for such an honor. Point here, don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love to do. Dance instructors are notorious in the criticisms, but if they didn't think or see your potential, they wouldn't drive you so hard. Non-dancers just don't understand that.