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How does a follower learn to stop back-leading?
Posted by TundraDancingGal
3/13/2015  4:11:00 PM
My husband and I have been taking ballroom dance lessons (Cha-Cha, Fox Trot, Slow Waltz, EC/WC Swing, Tango, Rhumba etc.) for the past 18 months. They're group, but we usually have the same 4-8 couples and 2 teachers. I enjoy it much more than he, but it's going well. We're at a silver syllabus and take about 4 hours per week and about 1-3 dance parties a month. We're not great, but serviceable, and we keep trying and learning. My problem is while trying to do the correct figures, I've started to anticipate or back-lead. My instructor has said we'll work to overcome this. I think it's because I want to do the figures correctly, so I don't allow the leader to, well lead. My husband is also a large man (6'5") so I may be doing this proactively to try and keep some control. How do I break this habit? I don't think I'm the only follower who has this problem, what have others done?

Thanks, I love dancing but this trait, which I've been aware of is something I'm not sure how to solve.
Re: How does a follower learn to stop back-leading
Posted by ladydance
3/14/2015  8:43:00 AM
It is difficult but in dancing, as a follower, you don't have control over anything but yourself. So do your steps correctly every time and if there is no lead, don't do anything. Chances are there is a lead but if you don't wait to find out, he will give up trying. When you go to dance parties, do you and your partner dance with other people? That is the best way to determine if you truly are a good follower and if your partner has a lead. Whenever we learn a new step, my partner (and husband) dances with another woman at the same level. If she can follow, then he knows he is doing something right. If she can't, then he knows his lead needs work. Leaders have a much harder job at first and you have learned a lot in 18 months so relax and let it happen. To put it simply, you will never be good dancers if you back lead.
Re: How does a follower learn to stop back-leading
Posted by TundraDancingGal
3/15/2015  10:59:00 AM
First, thank you (both) for your replies. I'm used to forums which send email notifications when there's a response. Either that doesn't occur here or I need to check something somewhere. These are very helpful points. We do go to dance parties and during class we switch partners. I notice some husband/wife duos don't but I know that's the best way to learn both our weaknesses and from others. I've had both good and terrible responses from new leaders. One event we went to I heard anywhere from: "I thought you said you knew how to dance!" (verbatim) to "you're doing quite well, I can tell in a few seconds what level my follower is at so I respond to that". Funny, I had no problem dancing at a higher level with that wonderful leader! My husband's lead has been a bit soft at times, but now that we're at a higher level he can focus more on his frame and lead and less on what do I do next. At yesterday's classes, I really tried to stop anticipating/back leading. It's more of being afraid that making my own mistake rather than I have to lead because he doesn't know the steps.
Re: How does a follower learn to stop back-leading
Posted by nloftofan1
3/14/2015  9:14:00 AM
It's difficult (as ladydance) pointed out. And dancing with other people may help a lot. Here is one (possible) reason why. When you and your husband dance, does he always lead prescribed sequences that you learned together? If doing figure A always mean that figure B follows, you may react by doing the steps your instructor taught you to do. You might as well be dancing by yourself. Remember that ballroom dancing is a partnership. When I dance a Twinkle in Foxtrot (for example), there are several things I can do next: Open Natural, Chair, Pivot, Weave, others. I may decide "on the fly" what I am going to do next. If (with cooperation from your husband) you understand that you may not know what's coming next, that may help. When you dance with someone else, you can probably be sure you don't know what's coming next.
Re: How does a follower learn to stop back-leading
Posted by TundraDancingGal
3/15/2015  11:11:00 AM
You nailed it nloftofan1. We are progressing but during class we're learning that particular figure, then at dances we fall into mimicking the progression of steps and figures we learned. So I assume (yeah, I know) what will come next, which makes it "easier" on me. Except when I was at a mixer and thought the leader was going to a hairpin, and it was actually a pivot (or was it a chair?) That was a near disaster! I apologized as I almost fell, he held me up, but avoided eye contact for the rest of the afternoon.

My husband doesn't feel confident enough to do too much on the fly. I totally understand how difficult a job the leader has. We have the half dozen different figures we do, then don't try the ones we're less comfortable with.

I do feel pretty good knowing that I understand the figures you're suggesting and have done them with various levels of success. I'm just so glad we're getting beyond the deer in the headlights look and feeling like we're never get something. I was marveling yesterday how lucky I am to be doing this and to be making progress at it.

OT a bit, I'm still navigating these forums, should I have posted this question in a different one? I thought there was one more for novices, but I couldn't find it. Yet, when I checked today to find these replies, I somehow came across that option.

I'll keep coming back and asking if you don't mind.
Re: How does a follower learn to stop back-leading
Posted by terence2
4/3/2015  6:10:00 AM
There are 2 ;possibilities for your dilemma..

1.. anticipation

2... Balance

Diagnosing a problem without seeing you in action, is not the ideal situation..
Re: How does a follower learn to stop back-leading
Posted by Docjohnson
3/24/2015  3:09:00 PM
Try to always get in some practice time where your husband leads steps out of the order learned. Many steps can follow others. Play with them! Have fun!
Another tip is to dance with your eyes closed. It helps us followers give up control. If you want to take it a step further (pun intended) try not thinking about the step you are doing. Take a mental vacation while social dancing and just let the lead take you where you need to go.
Good luck to you both.
Re: How does a follower learn to stop back-leading
Posted by nloftofan1
4/7/2015  9:01:00 AM
Old saying: If he falls, fall with him--but don't hit the floor first.
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