Hi! I used to dance quite a bit when I was in my twenties. Now I am in my late forties and my husband left about 1 year ago. I just started taking Ballroom dance lessons. I knew I'd love it because I love to dance. The problem is 1. I cannot afford it and feel foolish for paying so much (although it is the going rate) and 2. My dance teacher is always complimenting me on how good I am and how quick I pick up. I actually confronted him about this and he swears he wouldn't say so if it wasn't true. He is much younger, married and really cute. We are starting to do dances with greater physical contact. This contact is better (more romantic) than I had with my husband. I don't want to quit dancing or switch to another teacher, but I can't stop getting "turned on" by it. I don't imagine anything ever happening between us, yet I feel foolish. I hate feeling like I am the stereotypical middle-aged divorcee being "wooed" by the Ballroom dance instructor for money. Even if he is straight up and honest. How do I stop feeling so attracted? It is such a high to be touched in such romantic ways.

I would leave the studio. This guy seems out for things other than helping you dance and that is inappropriate. You need someone who challenges you and points out flaws, not someone who dotes on you. He just wants your money or worse, wants to cheat on his wife.

I am also an older dancer in my late 40's. I know that complements are hard to come by these day's especially getting older. You are an adult enjoy the moment it's only 40 mins of dancing anyway. Respect yourself and your teacher. As a teacher it's difficult to get your adult students to relax and just do the steps, compliments helps put adult students in the mood to let go and dance. Don't ever stop dancing there is nothing wrong with having someone believe in you and you know where you stand. Until the invitation is extended for something more than dancing then you have something to pick and issue with in the meantime don't assume anything, if you're wrong then you will feel foolish.

Check out danceforums.com for a couple dozen threads about crushes on teachers.

Briefly:

1) It's very common.
2) Some teachers will play your feelings to keep you coming for lessons ( = $$$ in their pocket).
3) It's a bad thing to let your emotions get the best of you. Odds are you'll be devastated when you either get slapped down or realize that they don't reciprocate your feelings.
4) Make a fool of yourself and odds are you will have to find another studio just to avoid dealing with the whole mess.

And from personal experience, if you're only one year out from a divorce, you have a LOT of healing to do. Give yourself time - there will be healthy (and real) romance to come.

It feels romantic but it isn't. Dance is highly choreographed, each step, each touch, moment, lead is taught, learned, memorized and becomes part of a dancer's basic repertoire of skills. You are alive in a moment with a person who has been trained to touch a woman romantically, to caress and gently lead her. He smiles and holds her, lets go and brings her close again and in those moments of course you feel the romance. You add in the sales pitch that has been ingrained as well or better than those dance steps and it can be confusing.

Try and remember the difference between a choreographed moment and real life. It is confusing and it can be easy to get lost in those moments, to want to get lost but keep your head and when the music stops real life has to start.