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Re: Anger with partner
Posted by operabob
11/24/2005  2:59:00 PM

My wife and I fought too. I felt the only thing you could possibly do that was worse was to play bridge with your partner.

Recently, our weekly coach (Sasha) came up to us in his group class and said (in heavy Russian accent):

"How refreshing it is to teach you. You are the only couple that doesn't fight."

I had to laugh (because we've had some bruisers in the past! LOL!)

Regardless, we have been very lucky to also get coaching from Pat Bovaird (former New Zealand champ, ISTD Fellow/Examiner and 6 or 7 times judge at the Worlds) when he visits every couple of months.

Every teacher has their approach. Part of Pat's approach includes two strong themes:

1. Dance the lady.


2. If anything goes wrong it's the man's fault. If the man does it right the lady has to do it right.

OK,that's a bit of a simplification but I've danced as woman with him and I have to say I have no choice what to do and I never have to do it under stress.

As a school teacher one of the best bit of insights I ever received was:

If things are going wrong examine what you're doing first.

So how does this equate to the fact my wife and I get along so well now?

1. I concentrate on what I'm doing right not what my partner is doing wrong.

As I've improved my own technique I'm less critical of my partner. As she gets less negativity from me she responds more positively while my getting it right makes it easier for her.


2. I recognize and accept that she is not as driven as I am so I concentrate on getting it right personally so that she has an easier time, finds it fun and tries harder.

Finally it's fun! LOL!

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