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Re: We’re all neither angels or demons
Posted by phil.samways
2/6/2007  9:22:00 AM
Dancelover
Thank you for your words about the benefits we get from dancing. I would never have been able to put it so well. Good to see such sensible comments here.
Re: We’re all neither angels or demons
Posted by community member
2/6/2007  7:34:00 PM
I am a dancer in the community of this heartfelt situation, and I know and love BOTH this pro and his wife(they are only separated). They have shown the utmost of integrity in the face of their marital problems with a concern for being in a leadership position in our community. Both of them are loved by all, although the same cannot be said for the student. She willfully took advantage of a marriage with problems (and if you've never had problems--you must be single) If you've ever seen this pro dance with his wife--and he continues to dance more with her than ANYONE, you would know that they have a true connection that expresses itself through their dance. They dance with a beauty unsurpassed by anyone I know. It heartens all of us who continue to pray that this situation will right itself. If you would see pro and student dance, you would definetly NOT see that connection, but a woman trying awkwardly to fill the shoes of his beautiful wife. Pro and wife have tried to make everyone continue to feel the love of dance, and tried to take the spotlight off of their personal problems. It is our hope that they will find their love again. It is a shame that people pry where the shouldn't and find pleasure in gossipping at the pain of others. Pro and wife need our love,not gossip! i also hope the person who aired this situation has to one day face the same public thing, I assure you that they couldn't handle it with the same grace as this couple. For said person, if you're worried about your husband, you'd better take a closer look at YOUR marriage and not theirs. To pro and wife, we love and support you, please find your way back to each other.
Re: Dance teacher leaves wife for student.
Posted by borntodance
2/6/2007  8:30:00 PM
Ellen,
I wonder if you would view dancing or dance teachers in the same light if a professional ran off with your significant other after being in a 25 year relationship. When it's happening right before your eyes, of course it makes one think if it would/could happen to them. It's human nature.

Usually in the work environment, dating co-workers, and in this case, your students, is prohibited. And some are let go if found out. This particular professional that left his wife for a student, has lost his credibility, in my opinion. The other men students at the studio are probably wondering if they can trust him with their wive/girlfriend when they are on a private lesson now.

For the sake of his wife, this teacher should relocate. It wouldn't be as big a deal had he started an affair outside the dance world. No one would personally know the mistress then. His wife, who is also a dance lover, has the right to continue dancing at that studio. They all have the right, but the guilty parties would be doing everyone a favor if they relocated, that's if they have any decency left in them. For all 3 to continue dancing in the same place and with each other, as if nothing has changed is ludicrous. This is not going to last; something will eventually give. This again is human nature.

Ellen, I wonder why you are overly sensitive to this discussion that you call 'gossip'. I wonder if you yourself have been a victim of gossip or slander in a similar situation such as this. It seems you sympathize more with the cheating couple than with the innocent wife...hmm. Why are you not shocked at what this so-called professional did/is doing?

These people talking here seem concerned about our dance community, and rightly so. We expect our professionals to behave in a respectful manner when with the opposite sex. We look up to them, whether they want us to or not. Dancing is one of the most intimate things that two people can do who are not married to each other. Extra precautionary measures should be taken.

I'm sure I'll get feed-back on this one.
Re: Dance teacher leaves wife for student.
Posted by secret
2/7/2007  7:49:00 AM
I agree with the post above. I mean, what were the husband and the new girl thinking? That they could just do this without anyone noticing and carry on as usual?
I don't want to judge or anything, but I must say I definitely feel for the ex-wife. It's not a pleasant situation to be in already, and by not relocating you're putting yourself in a more akward situation.

And yes, extra measures should be taken. If you are easily seduced by someone else and will break up with your wife to be with him/her, then maybe (just maybe) being a dance instructor is not for you.
Re: Dance teacher leaves wife for student.
Posted by I-Just-Wanna-Dance
2/7/2007  8:56:00 AM
Everyone continues to believe that it's all the student dancer's fault for the break-up; that she manipulated said pro into leaving his wife. Did the thought ever cross your mind (and don't you think it's possible - and most likely) that the husband and wife were having problems long before the student came into the picture. Separations don't just happen overnight, and the causes are usually far deeper reaching than any outsider could/would know without being one of the two parties involved.
Re: Dance teacher leaves wife for student.
Posted by I-Just-Wanna-Dance
2/7/2007  9:21:00 AM
By the way... I'm not saying I agree with what happened. I'm just saying that IF the ALLEGED incident took place, it is not because the pro is "easily seduced" or because the student is/was on a power trip. I'm saying that there likely was something going on between the married couple that no one else knows about. I'm not placing blame on anyone; I'm simply saying that NO ONE in this forum knows the whole story, only the parties directly involved, and until THEY decide to shed further light on the subject, everyone else should butt out, stop gossiping/speculating and be supportive on the married couple.

Oh, and BornToDance... I don't think or wonder of a situation as this could/would happen to me. I'm secure in my relationship with my significant other. It may be human nature to some people to worry about things like that; however that energy should be getting invested into your relationship and not wasted on suspicion.
Re: Dance teacher leaves wife for student.
Posted by Ellen
2/7/2007  10:55:00 AM
No, I've never been the victim of gossip, but there are some people like you in my dance community, who spend more time sitting on the sidelines making nasty comments about other people than they do dancing. Trust me, they (and you?) are a less attractive sight and more of a detriment to the dance community than the people they delight in talking about.

Anyone who thinks a spouse or SO can be "stolen" by someone else has been watching too many soap operas. No one leaves a relationship that they are happy in and that works well. So if seeing another relationship break up makes you suspect your husband will also leave you, I'd suggest some counseling or one of those marriage exploration weekends many churches run.

I won't be posting again in this thread. It's high time this thread got off the first page and sank out of sight (where it belonged in the first place).
Re: Dance teacher leaves wife for student.
Posted by borntodance
2/7/2007  1:24:00 PM
So you think that you and your mate are immune to problems, temptation and seduction. You do not live in the real world. I guess you think you can walk on water, too, huh?

Every relationship has problems and is not always 100% happy ALL the time. When they do have problems, that's when a couple should come together to work them out with each other or seek counseling from a professional.....not seek comfort from the opposite sex, which is when affairs get started.

Nothing good comes from divorce, unless the person is being physically abused in some way. Trust me....these 2 adulterers are not on their way to Happy Lane. Even if they decide to get married (because they think they've found 'true love'), they will always have trust issues with each other. There's a reason God said, 'You reap what you sow'.

I look forward to not reading anymore ignorant comments from you.

Re: Dance teacher leaves wife for student.
Posted by Happy Dancer
2/7/2007  4:03:00 PM
Last time I checked it was a free society and one can do as he pleases. 25 years is a very long time in a marriage and should be deemed successful. People do grow apart and relationships end for one reason or another.

I was in an unhappy marriage for 12 years and my wife left me for a guy with a criminal record. I feared for my children. She told me to get out and she wanted to be with this guy. I was distraught and sad, but once I started moving over to my new place I began feeling great, like I was freed from a prison sentence. With time everything worked out for the best and my mental health remained in tack. Had some legal, financial, kid, and mental
issues but everthing worked out with time. This is when I took on ballroom dancing for a hobby. One never knows what goes on in a marriage and life is short, very short if you are unhappy.

In the dance world there are lots of married people and events like this are threating. On the dance floor in studios everyone is under a microscope and relationship problems are over magnified.
Re: Dance teacher leaves wife for student.
Posted by I-Just-Wanna-Dance
2/7/2007  6:37:00 PM
See Happy Dancer... you pretend as though the wife is "innocent". Trust me I know that no one is perfect - as is not my significant other and I - but believe me that there is something that happened between the husband and wife FIRST to lead to a separation. And I do not believe that myself and my significant other are immune to problems, but we work on them. Unfortunately for some, no matter how much work you put into something, it can't be repaired, even after so long of a marriage. Especially if the marriage began as such an early time in both of the partners' lives. Even after so much devotion and help and counseling, some things are just over at a given point. I'm not saying the two involved should give up. I love these two people dearly; but you have to know when enough is enough. If you aren't happy, you aren't happy. And I love how you are so quick to judge my comments as ignorant. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, right? Obviously you've been a scorned woman though, so your comments are vastly wrought with hatred. But everyone has their problems. I'll probably be the next guy to dance with you on Friday night, and you'd never know.

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