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Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Angelica
11/6/2009  7:41:00 AM
Thanks everyone! Turns out that there was a happy ending in this... I opened up to my husband and explained how dancing has become such a big part of my life that it didn't feel right for him not to be in it... I told him I didn't want to force him into doing something he didn't like, and when he felt that he might lose me over this, he immediately confessed that he is scared to dance because he doesn't want to be ridiculed! And that he is actually jealous of guys out there who can do it! So we agreed to take on a dance we both don't know, probably swing, and we will start taking lessons together...

I'm still in shock at the outcome, but I'm so excited! We agreed I'll still go to the salsa socials alone (well, I go with friends), since he won't be learning salsa for a little while...

Re: my husband doesn
Posted by dheun
11/6/2009  9:29:00 AM
Just tell your husband that dancing is like any other sport. It takes good balance, good core strength and some hip movement that is more natural than one would think. I often tell men that I am teaching that it has traits similar to boxing (footwork and balance), it has movements similar to golf (hip movement and weight shift), it has movement similar to basketball (arm extension, being on balls of your feet) and it calls for core strength and stamina one would expect in football or soccer.
So it has it all, which is why I like it so much. And once you get interested, and you enjoy challenges, there are more steps, moves and variations in a single dance like the Fox Trot than there are in one entire sport. So imagine getting well-versed and comfortable in about six to 10 dances! You're going to have a blast, and it's quite possible your husband will get more addicted than you!
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by pivotingfool
11/6/2009  10:37:00 AM
Most of the male dancers I know only started dancing to make their wives happy. (They all now love dancing even more than their wives do.)

When a man takes dance lessons just to make his wife happy, the women seldom have a clue as to how much he must love her.

Learning to dance is a huge challange to the male ego. A man likes to feel at least average in any endeavor.

When taking lessons for the first time, men do not realize that the folks who seem to be, "Natural Dancers", are usually the ones who have taken the same lessons before. (Sometimes several times before.)

Just remember that when your husband actually learns to dance,---lots of younger women will want to take him away from you. You will be jealous when he dances with the young pretty women. (Especially when they talk about how wonderful he is.)

When this happens, try to remember how he must have felt when you kept going to your Salsa Dances, even after he started taking Dance Lessons for you.

Compromise is possible. If he is willing to try to learn to dance for you, you should be willing to make him your number one dance partner.

I am sorry, but you seem a bit selfish to me. The guy is willing to go out there and look like a darn fool for you. This is a huge step. It is really difficult for a man to make a fool out of himself in front of his wife and a bunch of strangers. (And we all look like fools at first.)

What are you willing to do for him?

My guess is that after the divorce you husband will take dance lessons and become a really good dancer. I bet some yuong women will scoop him up when he does.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Telemark
11/7/2009  12:56:00 AM
It sounds to me as though there is a personal story here, which Pivotingfool is trying to project onto everyone. Dancing with someone other than your spouse is certainly not a marriage breaker. Messing about with other people's spouses certainly is. You don't have to be a dancer to be a cheating bastard.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Three Wise Men
11/8/2009  2:39:00 PM
Anybody who knows the history of ballroom dancing would know the name Henry Jacques British Champion 1934-36. I was at a Medal Night which he was the judge and followed with a discussion on dancing, the year was 1953. He said If you are already married and take up dancing there is a future, But he said statistically to marry your dance partner is a mistake. You are most likely marrying for the wrong reasons. Sooner or later the dancing comes to an end. Then what.
Myself through the years I have seen it happen over and over again . Fortunately there are exceptions.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Cyd
11/6/2009  12:36:00 PM
Angelica and any others whos husbands are afraid of looking ridiculace.
When I Dance
I don't Dance to be better than any body else .
I only Dance to be better than myself.

Print that and hange it on the wall.
Myself when I am on the floor I am not aware of who might be watching. Frankly I couldn't care less. I have enought to contend with, with the music, and leading the partner. The footwork and so on. Being that it is impossible to think of two things at the same time. There is no space for worrying about what other people think.
So it boils down to being able to concentrate
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Angelica
11/6/2009  12:44:00 PM
Pivotingfool - Don't get me wrong, I did not give my husband an ultimatum for him to either start dancing or I would leave... after speaking to him he realized how dancing is important to me, and that he indeed doesn't hate dancing, he just was afraid to try... We are doing this for each other, and I can only see good things come out of it!

Thanks everyone for all comments! I like the quote from Cyd and the sports analogy! My husband loves sports...
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Jim
4/3/2014  12:00:00 PM
If you like the sports analogy let me run this one by you! My wife of 30 years loves to dance, me not so much. At parties & weddings I'll get up so she can enjoy herself but I do little more than shuffle my feet & arms in a crowd. She has talked about trying Ballroom Dancing for a couple of years and I have encouraged her to try it. Recently I felt she needed a distraction because of other things going on in our lives and bought her a beginners package from Living Social. She started
( by herself) and was hooked. She knows I don't like to dance nor do I have any sense of rhythm. I will accompany her to the socials but she is on her own for the lessons, practices & workshops. We have had an agreement from early on in our courtship, I agree to go to ballet & opera with her, she goes to hockey & baseball games with me, she doesn't expect me to tango and I don't ask her to play third base. It works for us and is a good compromise, it isn't a statement of our commitment or fidelity to each other. Don't over think it!
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by pivotingfool
11/9/2009  1:23:00 PM
Cyd,

We are not talking about people who are already dancers.

We are talking about men who are asked to go out and try to impress their wife when the wife is already far ahead, and when she is already dancing with men who are well established.

If you think a little slogan about "what should be, can change what is", more power to you.

However, in reality, most men have egos that are easily brused. Most men don't want to look worse, (Or in this case not nearly as polished.), than the other men in the room. (Espically in front of their wives.)

It is easy for an established male dancer to say that he isn't competing with anyone.

On the other hand, if your team is playing like the Washington Redskins, and you are schedualed to play the New York Giants, you might not feel so non-competive.

I bet if you were one of the Redskin players, you would want to play a little better than you have been,--- if you wife was watching.

The male ego gets us into a lot of trouble. However, just wishing it away, isn't going to change it.


Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by Rodney
12/31/2012  6:08:00 PM
My wife did not like dance very much, but I love dance, . I don,t have partner to dance

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