Every one who dances has probably had the same feelings from time to time some quit and some don't.

I think someone has to honestly appraise what they're doing, why they're doing it and what options are available to them on a practically constant basis. I have seen a few rare people who probably never be able to learn to dance for one reason or another. Some people simply have no sense of rhythm. So first look at yourself and be brutally honest. Do you have any particular handicaps? My hearing is damaged so I have to be very aware and attentive to the music you may have some other problem. Do you find group lessons distracting? Try a couple of private lessons and see if that works better. I think one of the most important things is to find teachers with whom you are comfortable.

Personally I feel, looking back on it, that I didn't learn to dance very well at all until I started getting private instruction but different things work for different people. There are some dance instructors whose teaching methods are better for me than others. Don't worry I'm not breaking any elbow joints patting myself on the back about what a great dancer I am!

Are you trying to bite off more than you can chew? I found that if I tried to learn more than one or two dances at a time I generally get very confused when I was beginner. I still try to work on only one or two dances at a time but I can "brush up" and add a step or two to other dances now while I'm doing it.

The others have given some good advice! Mix private lessons with group lessons. Take what you've learned in group and get the individual attention you need to perfect the move(s) with a one on one private lesson.

As for stepping on feet. I'm a Bronze level heading to Silver level competitive dancer. If I don't nail myown big toe once a month I feel lucky!

I too was in your shoes, but got the depressed feeling later on. I would get angry with myself for making mistakes. The more I worried about making mistakes the more I made. Dancing wasn't as much fun. I decided I needed to quite or start over and go into private lessons to get my confidence back. I went with the later and now I'm a competitive dancer.

Oh and those mistkes.... EVERONE MAKES THEM! It's up to you to laugh about them and move on.

Struggling to learn is no more depressing than forgetting stuff you learned when you were younger! So we're all in the same boat. You should be thrilled that you have discovered an activity that is a lot more fun than people who don't dance will ever realize. Forget about your skill level for the time being and think about the other numerous positives -- it's great for your weight, your blood pressure, and your overall muscle tone and posture. Stick with it for the next 20 years and you'll still be around to post your thoughts on dancing website chat rooms. Pick another hobby like drinking and watching TV, and you're not likely to be around to complain about anything in 20 years.
Stick with it. Believe it or not, it all suddenly clicks in at a moment you least expect it. And then you realize there are numerous more "clicks" to try to master!

Congrats on finding your love of dancing. No one is ever at an age where they can't learn and reap the benefits of being a good social dancer. And it's a known fact that men that can dance are in short supply and you will soon be sought after by many of the same ladies who you are struggling with on the dance floor. My advice is to, especially at such an early stage of your dancing, definitely take some private lessons from a well-qualified instructor. you need the personal attention to help you overcome the problems that arise in learning the fundementals. Group lessons are an important part of learning steps and practicing with others but without one on one attention, you could be practicing bad habits over and over until they become hard to break. Other than that, I wish you encouragement to continue enjoying your new life as a ballroom dancer. The hard work will be worth it once you pass the ackward beginning stages of learning.

First thing....don't quit....every new student has been where you are. Afraid to ask a lady to dance because she is a more advanced dancer that you are and you don't want to do the same moves over and over...we all get that...

second....many (not all) lady dancers really don't know their own steps...they rely way too much on the men do push or pull them (literally) in the right place....dancing should flow it shouldn't be a physical contest to get the lady where she needs to go. There's a woman at the studio I attend to admitted that to me one day. She seems to move very well on the floor and she and I were just chatting one day and she mentioned she can follow very well, but she can't dance...there's a difference...point is, don't be afraid and don't think that just because a woman can follow she's a good dancer.

Hang in there...perhaps the studio you attend is the wrong studio for you. Let's all be honest, we stay at our studios because we fit in...we have friends there, we feel comfortable there, etc...when I first started taking lessons, I remember walking in the studio the very first time and I was scared to death....no reason to be that way, but I was. After a shirt while, I became comfortable with all the people and now it's like walking into a friend's house....point is, if you feel odd at your current studio, perhaps it's because you don't interact with the people very well, and you might want to check out other studios.

Just a thought.

Take group line dancing to enhance your motor skills. Find group lessons that devote an entire month to a single dance.

You MUST learn the cadence of each ballroom dance. You MUST practice the cadence each day for an hour. You MUST count as you practice. In order to concentrate on learning steps and leading a partner, you must first be conversant with the cadence.

In the course of advancing from incapable to competent I saw many succeed and many fail.

The successful applied themselves, familiarized themselves with the cadence and progressed.

The failed sabotaged themselves in one or more ways: missed lessons, didn't practice, considered counting as beneath them, failed to learn the cadence.

By cadence I mean the footwork: waltz being 1-2-3 (slow-quick-quick), foxtrot being 1-2-3-4 (slow-slow-quick-quick), etc.

Must must must...

or not.

In practice, rote issues can take a little effort at certain stages of learning, but the real journey of years is in learning to use the body optimally.

You can be the fastest to master the things beginners worry about or the slowest - in the long run, it really matters not a bit, because the things that beginners are worried about are just not very substantial parts of the overall art of dancing.

Keep with it, give it your best when you can and don't beat yourself up when you can't. The more you learn, the more you will start to discover where the really important challenges of dancing are.

This was first posted two and one-half years ago. How are you doing? So many people obviously care about your dancing, and I'm sure they would like to know.