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Re: Feelings for Ballroom dance instructor
Posted by guest
4/18/2015  1:35:00 PM
Confusing, ambivalent signals, warmth, friendship, physical contact - then abrupt indifference excused by professional need or marital status, especially for secondary gain, especially practiced routinely around vulnerable aging women in difficult personal situations - is a classic manipulation and a textbook emotional abuse. Chronic variable scale ambivalent treatment conditions these victims to continue returning over and over again, spending all their money and embarrassing themselves. Mind, I have not mentioned dancing yet. I am a psychiatrist, and I have seen these women of all ages - victims of ambivalent signal manipulation over and over - hospitalized, suicidal, obsessed, their lives destroyed. Those are extreme cases and I have never encountered any in practice that had anything to do with the dance instructors - but since I entered the dance studio world, I was shocked, how this type of abuse is actually a trademark of a dancing industry; I have met with a lot of victims and I observed the works just while sitting and watching the dynamics on the floor. In short - "hot"/"cold" treatment is an emotional abuse, no matter what setting it happens in.
There are wonderful professional instructors who do very well without that crap - especially when you clearly indicate what you expect from your lessons. But you have to actively search to find them.
Dear Katemeg - just make sure that you, as a customer and a sophisticated woman - completely control the process and withdraw from any sticky situations immediately. You are not going to win - these are cunning very fine tuned players for your money. Some are cynical and the process is very clear to them, some may not even understand some of the things they practice - their mind and conscience are very well protected by multiple immature subconscious defenses, but does it matter to you? I wish you all the best - dancing is a beautiful, healthy hobby, once you are in control and not being played.
Re: Feelings for Ballroom dance instructor
Posted by Guest
4/18/2015  5:30:00 PM
.. I keep saying "women" vs. dance instructors - of course, it applies to men exactly the same.
Re: Feelings for Ballroom dance instructor
Posted by ladydance
4/19/2015  1:22:00 PM
There is no proof that katemeg is involved in an abusive relationship with her dance instructor. From what she has told us, he tells her that she is a good dancer and she picks up steps quickly. He is young, good looking and married. That is all we know. Almost every instructor I know quickly learns who they can be honest with and who they can't. Some people do not want to hear the truth about their dancing. One of the most popular teachers in our city (a woman) tells everyone that they are doing a terrific job. Most of them are horrible dancers, all hunched over, no frame, no footwork etc. They love her because she makes them feel good. Is that abusive? Without knowing more, it is unfair to blame the instructor because katemeg is having feelings for him. Dancing in close contact is a natural progression in learning to dance nothing more. Is katemeg a victim? Only she can answer that.
Re: Feelings for Ballroom dance instructor
Posted by kitnhead
4/19/2015  2:07:00 PM
An interesting note: my ballroom teacher recently told me that it's commonplace for teachers and students to have relationships. Seems true because there are so many rules about it in studios that it must happen often enough that studio owners need to creat policy.

To the OP: don't feel guilty about enjoying a little attention. Make a budget for it. If you can afford only one lesson per week, then so be it. Do groups for extra practice. You deserve joy as much as the next person.
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