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Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/26/2012  1:10:00 PM
I booked the last lesson on Saturday to see where it would lead me. I went into it with no specific plan, just to see how things go. We had a great lesson, and afterwards, we hung around the studio and talked. I did not want to rush anything or ruin the moment by asking him out. I just wanted to see where it would go. He seemed to be in no rush for me to leave and appeared to enjoy my company. We talked about our lives got to know each other a little better. Does not sound earth-shattering, but I got to know that he liked hanging out with me even when not dancing, he was relaxed and flirty, there was no talk of danceclasses or sales pitch of any kind, and he seemed to be geniunely interested in our conversation. I'm just going to slowly build on this and see how things go. Maybe in a few weeks, I'll have the courage to ask him out!
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ladydance
4/26/2012  3:02:00 PM
Good for you. Instructors are usually beat by the end of the day so if he didn't seem in a hurry, that's a good sign. I hope it works out, keep us posted!
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by Student
3/16/2013  4:01:00 PM
So it's a year later. What happened?
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by dancingstar
9/17/2013  10:07:00 AM
YES ALL DANCE TEACHERS ARE OFF LIMITS. THE BOTTOM LINE IS MONEY TO GET YOU TO
A COMP AND KEEP YOU TAKING LESSONS. THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE ONLY
TO MAKE A GOOD LIVING. WHEN YOU DANCE BALLROOM ESPECIALLY THE LATIN OUT ON
THE FLOOR ITS ALL AN ACT. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY!!!!!! THIS IS A BUSINESS
AND THEY ARE VERY GOOD AT TAKING YOU IN AND TAKING YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by wlemery
9/25/2013  2:12:00 PM
I taught ballroom dancing for a little over ten years. Here's my take.

The unwritten rule in the industry is that the instructor does not date the students. I've seen this rule broken on several occasions and it never ended well.

What you're seeing when you come in for a lesson or go to a studio party is the very best your instructor has to offer. You do not see all the crap that happens outside the studio, nor are you seeing what happens behind the closed door of the teacher's lounge. Believe me, the two are vastly different.

Your instructor is in a position of power. He's an expert at emotional manipulation. We used to spend hours practicing flirting and manipulation in front of other instructors, and with other instructors heckling us. The theory being that if you could say it convincingly under the worst conditions we could provide, it'll be a cinch on the floor. We were right. I, when I was in the business, could say absolutely anything and be believed.

Your average dance instructor has the ethics of a chainsaw. It isn't that he doesn't care about you; he does. Just not as much as he loves that money.

So do not start dating this man. Or woman. Just tell him 'Thanks, but no thanks.'

If you ignore all this and insist on dating him anyway, bring your older brother, your eldest adult child or your protective uncle to the studio and introduce him. See what your family thinks, and remember: You'll never meet a con man you don't like.

Now me, I quit the business because I wanted to date my student. We're still together - but this whole dating thing was my idea, not hers. She turned me down the first time I asked her out; I had to feed her a few drinks before she'd accept a night on the town with me.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by Voco
9/27/2013  2:06:00 AM
If there are rules for instructors not dating students, it is not taken seriously.

There are examples of both happy and sad consequences. I know one lady instructor who met her husband, a pretty high level competitor and instructor, as a student. In the beginning she was only interested in his dancing style. She took private lessons, as well as group lessons, and gradually they fell in love and now they are both instructors and happily married.

My own instructor was dating one of her students who was head over heels in love with her. We all became friends during the practice sessions and competitions. One day she told me that she ended it. She said she should not have dated a student. I said why not, it could have worked out well. I did not ask her why she ended it.

He started to dance pro-am with another lady instructor as he was trying to forget. My teacher married a non-dancer.

Many of the above comments are pretty negative on the moral standards of the instructors. Not all male instructors are gigolos or con-men. Neither are all lady instructors fem fatal.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by Ann
10/24/2013  12:44:00 PM
Really curious to know the end of the story.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by matt
10/24/2013  1:30:00 PM
Linda, you hit the nail on the head. Very well written and very true. I too am a dance instructor and share your feelings exaclty.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by VenusRose
12/5/2013  4:43:00 AM
I'm so happy to see that I'm not the only one to fall for my dance teacher. I just started dancing, so I wasn't used to all the attention and didn't realize that it was all part of the dance experience. I really fell for it hard, and came to realize the hard way that all the attention was just a game. I really love dancing though, and am trying to get over my feelings. I also don't have options outside of the studio that I go to because I live on a small island with a not so big salsa community! Does anyone have suggestions for how to make yourself not have feelings for your dance partners? Or, how to recover after putting yourself out there and then getting rejected? It's quite embarrassing! I'm also curious to know how it went with you, sbrnsmith. I hope it was better than my experience!
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ballroomchick
12/5/2013  11:41:00 AM
VenusRose you take all those feelings you are getting and put them into your dance to tell a story. Just like you would if you were doing a play. Once the song ends so does THAT story. **BUT** you keep all of the feelings this provides that makes you feel beautiful and fierce. Use this as stepping stones to build your confidence and your dancing abilities.

Remember - these instructors are in the backroom practicing their "charm" skills with each other. Know if for what it is ~ use it and play off it to get what YOU need to make you a FIERCE dancer. It's trash talk you leave on the dance floor at the end of the day.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by prodncr
12/5/2013  9:19:00 AM
I am a pro male and am curious about what happened after this. I have had students, young and old "fall for me" and yes, it made it much easier to teach lessons to them, also to have them take trips with me. Those ones tend to listen better and do as I ask, so they are more easy to teach, no stress since they hang on every word and want our approval, what teacher doesn't want this? This is how you ladies will know, many pro teachers restrict or limit what subjects and information we give to clients, even if we are speaking more casually/relaxed, and spend more time, its only to get to know you better so that we can give you a better experience for your money, flirting is natural, you will see us do it with all ages and shapes, its important to our business to make ladies feel good, but of course it is more fun if you are young and talented. If other clients know the same info (where we are from, how we got here, some foods, places of travel, taste in music, or perhaps even shops we like) its only what we opt to disclose. Most of us won't talk about our loved ones using names, our parents,won't disclose places we like to frequent, or even our neighborhood or talk about past relationships unless we are using it in an anecdote (ie. I once dated this girl... Blah blah, so now I'll never wear old spice again!!!) usually the rule is simple, you don't make your bed where you eat.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by prodncr
12/5/2013  9:38:00 AM
I am a pro male and am curious about what happened after this. I have had students, young and old "fall for me" and yes, it made it much easier to teach lessons to them, also to have them take trips with me. Those ones tend to listen better and do as I ask, so they are more easy to teach, no stress since they hang on every word and want our approval, what teacher doesn't want this? This is how you ladies will know, many pro teachers restrict or limit what subjects and information we give to clients, even if we are speaking more casually/relaxed, and spend more time, its only to get to know you better so that we can give you a better experience for your money, flirting is natural, you will see us do it with all ages and shapes, its important to our business to make ladies feel good, but of course it is more fun if you are young and talented. If other clients know the same info (where we are from, how we got here, some foods, places of travel, taste in music, or perhaps even shops we like) its only what we opt to disclose. Most of us won't talk about our loved ones using names, our parents,won't disclose places we like to frequent, or even our neighborhood or talk about past relationships unless we are using it in an anecdote (ie. I once dated this girl... Blah blah, so now I'll never wear old spice again!!!) usually the rule is simple, you don't make your bed where you eat.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by Daring Dance
12/6/2013  8:13:00 AM
I also think VenusRose's question is very important. If someone would reply in a new chain as not to derail this one, but both I would follow avidly as someone who is trying to get into dance and thinking of one day trying pro.

Thanks for all of the info!
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by VenusRose
12/6/2013  7:01:00 PM
I started a new thread about this topic and called it "the emotional side of dance." I'm looking forward to getting your feedback!
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by LRVWB
12/20/2013  4:14:00 PM
Nice! But I wouldn't ask him out. Be patient and let him take that first step.
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