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Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by dances4joy1424
12/18/2009  11:08:00 AM
These are all very good tips for you. I particularly like the "confidence" tip. I agree. I teach beginners in my hometown and I tell the men that when you lead a step/pattern commit to it. Try to avoid "starting and stopping". Otherwise you send mixed signals to the lady. I also agree that you might want to invest in some private lessons with an instructor you feel comfortable with. This will allow you to work at "your" pace with as much repetition as you need. You can learn good/strong "leading" skills with someone who knows how to do the steps. And, if a partner is an experienced and "polished" social dancer they should dance at your level rather than walking away because you may not be proficient in certain patterns. I commend you for getting out on the floor. Keep up the good work!
Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by Krystyna
12/19/2009  9:34:00 AM
Please, do not quit!!!
If it is your dream - just go for it no matter what !
I agree with all of opinions below, you shouldn't give up. Dancing is so beautiful........and you should feel that beautiness inside of you...it is not always about how you look outside. I saw a lot of beautiful women who were wearing very expensive gowns, great make up , they paid thousands dollars for lessons and competitions ...and what.....they looked not "real" on the dance floor because they do not feel that ! Money, gowns, make up don't help as long as you are not beautiful inside.....
I also had hard time...that is why I know what I am talking about.....It always was my dream but I never could afford that or I never had time...there always was something else. I moved to the USA eight years ago without knowing even one English word. After two years of being here I was very, very sick - I almost died.
When miracle happend - I decided that I want to try what I was dreaming about all my life....so I started to take lessons. But because I was 240 pounds heavy, I was driving 2.5 hours away from my city to get my lessons just because I didn't want anybody to see me..... After awhile I recognize that I am in love with dancing and I really don't care anymore what somebody think about how I look because I felt that beautiness inside of me.In one year I lost one hundred pounds !!!. I reached so many goals !!!
Dancing gives me happiness and strenght for every day life !!!
I met wonderful people. If somebody is acting as you described - not you should feel bad - that person should. That means that she/he shouldn't be on the dance floor! Do not feel bad about stepping on somebody foot during the dance - if it happens just try to joke about it - well, accidents happen. We can not learn without them ! Nobody is perfect !
If I came to the USA from Poland at 32 years old with two luggages and 10 years old daughter with me without knowing anybody, without any money, without knowing even one english word, if I could change my live in so many ways - you can do that, too.
Please do not give up. Our lives are too short to complain about somebody who doesn't know how to be nice to others. There is nothing wrong with you.
That is something wrong with them.
I wish you the best and good luck on the dance floor !!!
Krystyna
Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by Dancing Redhead
12/20/2009  8:06:00 AM
Let's say I'm over 50...I started dancing a few weeks ago.I've always had a drean to ballroom dance and I am living my dream.I know nothing except a few basic dances.I've been told I have a natural body for dancing and the moves come to me so natural.My husband has no desire to dance and no bonce in his step,and is very stiff.I don't know how to help him and I'm not going to let his two left feet stop me from going on with my dream.Lift is to short to wait for tomorrow.My dream is to dance every dance and I encourage everyone to do the same.We can't learn if your not on the dance floor.
Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by kspeed
11/19/2011  8:06:00 AM


Every one who dances has probably had the same feelings from time to time some quit and some don't.

I think someone has to honestly appraise what they're doing, why they're doing it and what options are available to them on a practically constant basis. I have seen a few rare people who probably never be able to learn to dance for one reason or another. Some people simply have no sense of rhythm. So first look at yourself and be brutally honest. Do you have any particular handicaps? My hearing is damaged so I have to be very aware and attentive to the music you may have some other problem. Do you find group lessons distracting? Try a couple of private lessons and see if that works better. I think one of the most important things is to find teachers with whom you are comfortable.

Personally I feel, looking back on it, that I didn't learn to dance very well at all until I started getting private instruction but different things work for different people. There are some dance instructors whose teaching methods are better for me than others. Don't worry I'm not breaking any elbow joints patting myself on the back about what a great dancer I am!

Are you trying to bite off more than you can chew? I found that if I tried to learn more than one or two dances at a time I generally get very confused when I was beginner. I still try to work on only one or two dances at a time but I can "brush up" and add a step or two to other dances now while I'm doing it.



Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by BallroomChick
1/18/2012  11:03:00 AM
The others have given some good advice! Mix private lessons with group lessons. Take what you've learned in group and get the individual attention you need to perfect the move(s) with a one on one private lesson.

As for stepping on feet. I'm a Bronze level heading to Silver level competitive dancer. If I don't nail myown big toe once a month I feel lucky!

I too was in your shoes, but got the depressed feeling later on. I would get angry with myself for making mistakes. The more I worried about making mistakes the more I made. Dancing wasn't as much fun. I decided I needed to quite or start over and go into private lessons to get my confidence back. I went with the later and now I'm a competitive dancer.

Oh and those mistkes.... EVERONE MAKES THEM! It's up to you to laugh about them and move on.
Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by dheun
1/18/2012  6:41:00 PM
Struggling to learn is no more depressing than forgetting stuff you learned when you were younger! So we're all in the same boat. You should be thrilled that you have discovered an activity that is a lot more fun than people who don't dance will ever realize. Forget about your skill level for the time being and think about the other numerous positives -- it's great for your weight, your blood pressure, and your overall muscle tone and posture. Stick with it for the next 20 years and you'll still be around to post your thoughts on dancing website chat rooms. Pick another hobby like drinking and watching TV, and you're not likely to be around to complain about anything in 20 years.
Stick with it. Believe it or not, it all suddenly clicks in at a moment you least expect it. And then you realize there are numerous more "clicks" to try to master!
Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by robbor
4/10/2012  10:54:00 PM
Congrats on finding your love of dancing. No one is ever at an age where they can't learn and reap the benefits of being a good social dancer. And it's a known fact that men that can dance are in short supply and you will soon be sought after by many of the same ladies who you are struggling with on the dance floor. My advice is to, especially at such an early stage of your dancing, definitely take some private lessons from a well-qualified instructor. you need the personal attention to help you overcome the problems that arise in learning the fundementals. Group lessons are an important part of learning steps and practicing with others but without one on one attention, you could be practicing bad habits over and over until they become hard to break. Other than that, I wish you encouragement to continue enjoying your new life as a ballroom dancer. The hard work will be worth it once you pass the ackward beginning stages of learning.
Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by swoop7
4/22/2012  6:53:00 AM
First thing....don't quit....every new student has been where you are. Afraid to ask a lady to dance because she is a more advanced dancer that you are and you don't want to do the same moves over and over...we all get that...

second....many (not all) lady dancers really don't know their own steps...they rely way too much on the men do push or pull them (literally) in the right place....dancing should flow it shouldn't be a physical contest to get the lady where she needs to go. There's a woman at the studio I attend to admitted that to me one day. She seems to move very well on the floor and she and I were just chatting one day and she mentioned she can follow very well, but she can't dance...there's a difference...point is, don't be afraid and don't think that just because a woman can follow she's a good dancer.

Hang in there...perhaps the studio you attend is the wrong studio for you. Let's all be honest, we stay at our studios because we fit in...we have friends there, we feel comfortable there, etc...when I first started taking lessons, I remember walking in the studio the very first time and I was scared to death....no reason to be that way, but I was. After a shirt while, I became comfortable with all the people and now it's like walking into a friend's house....point is, if you feel odd at your current studio, perhaps it's because you don't interact with the people very well, and you might want to check out other studios.

Just a thought.
Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by four year student
4/25/2012  12:55:00 PM
Take group line dancing to enhance your motor skills. Find group lessons that devote an entire month to a single dance.

You MUST learn the cadence of each ballroom dance. You MUST practice the cadence each day for an hour. You MUST count as you practice. In order to concentrate on learning steps and leading a partner, you must first be conversant with the cadence.

In the course of advancing from incapable to competent I saw many succeed and many fail.

The successful applied themselves, familiarized themselves with the cadence and progressed.

The failed sabotaged themselves in one or more ways: missed lessons, didn't practice, considered counting as beneath them, failed to learn the cadence.

By cadence I mean the footwork: waltz being 1-2-3 (slow-quick-quick), foxtrot being 1-2-3-4 (slow-slow-quick-quick), etc.
Re: Not sure what to do---depressed
Posted by anymouse
4/26/2012  12:22:00 AM
Must must must...

or not.

In practice, rote issues can take a little effort at certain stages of learning, but the real journey of years is in learning to use the body optimally.

You can be the fastest to master the things beginners worry about or the slowest - in the long run, it really matters not a bit, because the things that beginners are worried about are just not very substantial parts of the overall art of dancing.

Keep with it, give it your best when you can and don't beat yourself up when you can't. The more you learn, the more you will start to discover where the really important challenges of dancing are.

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