My response to Joyse is first, don't lean back when you take hold. If anything, your shaping is sideways, not backwards, but, as terence has said, this needs to be taught on a 1-to-1 basis, and even experienced dancers have trouble with it.
On back-leading, i suspect you're not trying to lead, but you're moving away from your partner, and he thinks you're trying to lead.
I would offer this advice: Imagine (in a swing dance, such as foxtrot)you're doing a step back with your left to follow a man's step forward with his right. DON'T just let your body move back so that, for example, it's always mid-way between your feet. Keep your weight more forward and let your left foot slide back (with your toe) until you feel the man move forward. Then take weight onto that left foot (smoothly) and move with the man.You will inevitably have to soften your right, supporting, leg. But this is a good thing. Takes practice. He may complain that you feel 'heavy' at first, but keep at it.

Simple answer: If your arms are braced (you maintain proper dance frame) you can lean back--not in an exaggerated way--into the man's right arm and still feel the man's lead (what you describe as "push against the man when he pushes"). Two separate things.

"Simple answer: If your arms are braced (you maintain proper dance frame)"

Bracing the arms is not a proper dance frame.

One hopes to keep the frame in a generally full position, but this is not done by bracing the muscles of the arms. Instead, it's done by feeling the position of the arms, and then using the feet to move the body to correct any error in arm position.

It's also important to understand the difference between actively holding your partner with your hands (good) vs trying to hold position on them with your arm muscles (bad). It can take a while to become used to activating the hands while keeping the arm muscles much more relaxed.

"you can lean back--not in an exaggerated way--into the man's right arm and still feel the man's lead (what you describe as "push against the man when he pushes")."

One must not "lean" in the sense of taking body weight behind the foot. All that is needed is a small push matching the pressure of the man's hand, while remaining balanced on the foot. Once movement begins, the literal concept of balance is replaced by one of maintaining a body speed compatible with the partner's.

Why in the world would you ask us? Ask your instructor.

My guess is that he is teaching basic Social Dance. Not International, not American, but pure Social Dance like what was taught by family and friends long before people were foolish enough to pay someone $100 to $150 for a forty five minute hour lesson.

If you wish to dance with people who are not perfect, and just dance for fun, you are taking lessons from the right guy.

However, if you wish to compete, or if you really want to look good, you should go to a good Studio and take lessons from someone who is well respected by all the major players.

Social Dance can be anything from simple boxes to just about any figure the professionals do.

The major difference is that in Social Dance, you assume that your partner has never taken a lesson.

Good Social Dancers must lead and follow far more than the Competitors need to.

Competitors often memorize their own parts, therefore a strong lead is not necessary.

If you are dancing with lots of different people, each of whom has different abilities and experience, you must have very good lead and follow skills.

Most Social Dance Instructors will teach the lady to push her left shoulder blade back into the man's right hand. (This creates a stronger frame for the casual dancer.) Combine this with some pressure against each others stomachs, and you can get a really solid frame with out much formal training.

Everything in Social Dance is stronger and more firm than in a dance form where you know exactly what your partner is going to do,-- Before the music even starts.

In Competition Dance, you are expected to have your weight over your own feet at all times. This works well in Competitive dancing, but not so well with a partner who has not been trained to do it the way you were.

I won't go too far with this but the fact is that I know several women who regularly win Gold, who can not dance with anyone other than their Instructor.

In Social Dance, your partner might swing you like a father swings his small daughter. Social dancers work off of their partner more. They use each other for balance. Many Social Dance figures require you to hold on if you don't want to go flying across the floor.

Your question should be, "Why doesn't everyone who answered my question ask me what I want out of dancing, and who I will be dancing with before they tell me how to dance?"

Considering that you are learning at Senior Center my guess is that you just want to have fun and dance to the music with a man who just wants to dance with you.

My advise is the same as every person here would give you if they were the one teaching you to dance.

If you want to take lessons from the person who is willing to teach you, DO IT HIS WAY while you are in his class!
Especially if he is teaching you for,
(Let me guess.), five or ten dollars an hour.)

If you don't like his teaching, get out your check book and pay a professional.

Mike

PS-- And just because you are paying $100 for a 45 minute hour, that doesn't mean that he is any better than the guy who is charging your $5 for a full 60 minute hour.

I don't agree with the comment that competitive dancers ' often memorize their own parts so a strong lead is not necessary'.
A GOOD (not strong) lead is even more essential in competitive dancing, otherwise the couple can't dance together through complex figures to a high standard. And what happens when they're blocked? And can't follow a memorized sequence of figures?
Social dancing involves a limited range of figures that are relatively simple to lead. You can't dance with a stranger and expect the same level of contact that would occur with a regular, competitive partner.
Having said all this, my experience is that i would have benefited greatly from being given more good information about good leading right from the start of my dancing.

I find your comment about "good lead " at the beginning kinda interesting.

I, m sure that most experienced teachers will give a fairly detailed account about the fundamentals before one even begins to move; as in body contact, frame , poise, hold, etc.

I also know from my own teaching experience, that the majority of the info. imparted in the very early stages, escapes the early memory.

Dance, in the early stages, is a memory test, and the body does not always respond to commands given, to which it deems foreign .

Now lets compound that problem , by putting a partner in front of you ....

Hi, in my earlier days, I was never told that lady should lean or push especially with any arm. I was told that when two people are dancing together, there is give and receive relationship. It is a mistake if one thinking that lady moves forward and man must moves back like hide and seek.

The connection is from the hips of both partners and never from arms. When lady walking forward, man should feel the movement of her hip (either the right hip or the left hip depending whether doing CBM or CBMP or just move with NFR). Man than receive her into his hip and move along with her the direction that she wants go. This Way, lady will have no tension from any part of her body during movement. When man move forward, lady should receive man in the same way.

Lady's posture is very simple. Keeping head to left (except PP) nose over the left breast, and left shoulder is slightly behind the left hip. Don't exaggerate the position and relax when move. The rest of the body should move freely without tension.

I dont know where you are getting your info. from, but some statements are not correct .

Contact is NOT from the hips.. we dance from the "core " .

And actually, if you are positioned correctly, it would be nigh impossible to make contact with the "hips " .

GarryFong. Listen to the advice given by Terence. Contact is Not from the hips. From one of your other writting I beleive you come from a teacher from the distant past at a time when it was taught that there was a conection of the hip.

Please have a care to note that Gary did not say that the connection was at the hips or that the hips were touching, he said that the connection was from the hips rather than the arms.

Obviously the arms *are* touching, but the opinion expressed was that they are not the source of connection (I would say they are more a conduit)

Many people would say that the center is the source, and I'd probably agree that it is the primary one. But especially at a higher level of dancing, about half the worlds dancers will use their hips in relation to their center as an important secondary source. The other half prefer a style that uses the ribcage more, and minimizes the use of their hips.

Again, this is speaking of the source of the information as an action within the body, not the body parts that are actually touching.